18/11/2006 Monday

Sometimes, I sit down and ponder. Am I too nice to people? So much so that I get overwhelmed and overthrown without myself even noticing? I've always thought I'm always in control of everything. But no I don't have any. I've really been too nice to people. I'm serious. Some people actually use that fact and overrun me. And the best part, these are usually the people who are closer to me. So very well. Goodbye Mr Nice Guy. So hello to Mr. Unreasonable.

30/11/2006 Thursday

It's the last day of the month! In other words, less than 12 mths to ORD! Isn't that good? Other than the amazing fact that I've served for many months, I'm not exactly happy. And you want to know why? I've discovered way too many hypocrites. People who appear to be friendly on the outside but never intended to be friends with you. Sorry, I don't appreciate acquaintances.

Like hey, I'm not asking too much. Just being there is one. And being able to sustain a convo is another. And be noted, there are times that I'm struggling to talk to you, but ran out of topics. The best part, you left it there. As such. Leaving the "last message received at ####" to be timed more than an hour ago. Indeed, you've your damned group of friends. It's perfectly fine. But have you spared a thought about the person who stood by you when you encountered troubles? You've never given a thought have you. Never. You just want me to be there when you need my presence. "LISTEN TO ME UNLOAD." And I'll be there. When you don't need me? Poof you're gone. I wonder if you reply messages. Cause if you do, you definitely didn't reply mine. I sick and fed up with this shit. If you want to do that, suit yourself.

To think that all these things weren't enough. Here we go over again. I heard something from my mum's friend, "I wonder why you don't have a girlfriend." First thing's first, do you really think I need to announce to the whole world, "Hey I hooked on with this girl." and second, with all these troubles at home, I can't even have the time to have a stable girlfriend. I've already lost two girls because of that, they can't stand me ranting to them about my family problems.

I'm not giving excuses. Seriously I've had enough. All these crap, I'm sick of it. No one's gonna save me.

As I write, my thoughts are confused with the bickering of my parents outside. I'm tired of it. And that's it. I've had enough. The umpteenth time I'm saying this. I need to release myself. It doesn't matter if I get confined for some stupid reason. Don't go home lor. Not that I really care. I've nothing to do at home anyway, other than listening to the grievances of both my parents complaining at each other.

28/11/2006

Hello. It's been a darn two weeks since I last penned my blog entries. I've nothing constructive to blog really. My online has been down for god knows how many days. And my phone is getting weird. Anything that runs on Windows is a vulnerability. Sounds like a sweeping assumption yes? Take a look around and see for yourself.

I was reading blog and journals everywhere, and I stumbled upon this little blog that commented on Wee Shu Min. For those who don't know where or who she is (from), she's the one that created a big hoo-haa on the internet for her elitist remarks about Singapore.

Frankly speaking, it's no news. RJCians, as I noticed first hand, are an exclusive bunch. They call it the Rafflesian spirit. I call it supreme elitism. Why do I say that? Most RJCians simply look down on people from other schools, and, most of them being in the higher percentile of the highest tax bracket, they find themselves a class higher than the 'average Singaporean'. Oops, let me correct myself. It's their parents that are in a higher class. Not themselves. I don't consider a rich man's son a rich man unless he's worthy of it. Back to the subject. I won't say all of them have this irritating and despicable attitude, it simply makes a majority. Heh. Ironically though, I find ACJC people more approachable and friendly, despite them mostly in an EVEN higher social monetary level (I refuse to use the word class) than the above average RJCian.

So are their little elitism justified? Sort of, ironically. After all, they're the top ang moh cultured JC. Some people just like the westernised and adopt the 'chinese is for neighbourhood and heartlands' attitude. It's their mentality, and I don't really blame 'em for it. It's the whole damn thing about americanisation that's causing all these bits and pockets of inflammations (meant in an online usage way: flame = to insult) here and there. We're all victims of his (or her. whatever) propaganda. American is the way of life. Live life their way.

All hail Carl's Jr and Subway (I see you sniggering at that thought cause you've said something similar before). Muak Chevrolet. <3 Microsoft. Welcome to the real United States of America. Hell yeah bush came over the other day. What was his objective in mind? You decide.

Auspicium Melioris Aevi. HELL YEAH.

12/11/2006 Sunday

In an instant a year flashes past. When the year is drawing to an end, it's time to sum up the year, reflecting of things that ought to be done, things that are STILL undone, things that are over and done with.

I must say that this year has been more eventful than my school life put together. Never have I experienced so much ups and downs in a short few months. And many thanks to army, I've become more irritable at times, while maintaining the bo chap "serve and fuck off" attitude. Call it double personality. I've also learnt how to take control of people's minds, and of course struggling when people exert their power over yours.

The year has been overwhelming, probably due to the fact that I've been living in a greenhouse. Pampered to the maximum. No extreme family problems, no education or even job woes.. But despite the varying difference between soldier to soldier, I'm glad eventually I made it through the "learning" phase of soldiering. Now it's really time to exercise some leadership - as we affectionately call it.

Sometimes I begin to wonder, why the heck did I put a tick next to the statement "I would like to be chosen as a commander, be it an officer or a sergeant." It's almost the same as what Cypher said to Neo "Sometimes. I'd think, why the heck did I take the blue pill? Why didn't he just tell us all the shit before hand?" If I wasn't a sergeant, I probably would end up at some infantry unit holding my beloved M16S1, albeit the life is tough and strenuous. The pay is of course much less. But less thinking, more work. The workload of an armored pioneer commander is insane here, I'd love to brag on about how much work I do, but it's pretty useless to people who aren't in the formation. Heck, there are even those who aren't even serving the army.

Let's talk more about life in general. My social life has been relatively okay. I've been meeting up with many good friends throughout the year, and believe me when I say they're good friends. I really do treasure my outside friends, for they are the people who are there for you to unload.. I use the word unload is because, they may not have even the slightest idea of what's going on. But it does feel better just pouring out your sorrows now and then. So people, if I've met you this year, do know that I treasure you alot. And for those I haven't met, well, you might be seeing my face soon enough. It's almost magical. A simple meeting with one of them can really bring out the closeness of two people. And all thanks to army, I was given the opportunity. I don't know if these people met me simply because they pitied me or are just being a good samaritan, I don't really care about what the reason behind is. As long as, I get to see you, well, that's good enough.

A little bragging about my new blog of course. ExpressColorPicker(TM). It's a stupid name, but it's a concept copied from MSN.com which I thought was quite cool. Everytime I made new layouts people would say, it's too dark, too grey, and the most common - TOO BLUE. It's inevitable for bluish affinities, for it's in my genes and your favourite stereotype male. So why not let you choose your own color while you read my rantings? So here we go, code synergy one. More to come!

03/11/2006

I'm a spoilt brat. Whatever. I don't really care what you think of me. Seriously I don't. My life's already screwed up enough, I've more shit to tackle than your little thoughts in life. I already sold my life to army. SOLD. Cost? Negligible. Paying that shit amount of money ain't gonna get any allegiance from me. I don't really have a soul anymore, I'm more like a zombie. And when the tasks pour down like rain and no one is there to do it with you, I DO IT MYSELF. And when things are really terrible, you're short of sleep, and you need someone to do some 'unloading', there's no one around. Yes. No One. No single person gives a shit about me. Like today, hoho. I'm coming home for a short time, thinking of not wasting my mom's effort of cooking for me. And hoho guess what happened via the phone - "har? so bo liao come back awhile?" Classic I tell you. That's what I would LOVE to hear. I'm going out of home again so bye. I've to stay and do some shit back in camp over the weekend. Welcome to the reality.

29/10/2006 Sunday

I just returned last night from a super long week. It's pretty much the same old thing I guess. But simply put, I feel that people NOT from JC are really very different people. They value friendships more than anything else. Sad to say, they have the human touch, while the rest of us don't. Especially those guys from ITE or poly. Their mindset towards life is very very different from us. And in time to come I might just be able to find the reason why they behave in such a manner.

I guess I'm pretty much enclosed in an environment so far, surrounded by equivalents of A level graduation. If not for army, I'll never be able to get in touch with people on the other side. Not meant in any demeaning way, but we're in fact in the same world, just on differing areas.

Indeed, Jc people are pretty much spoilt brats. They (mostly) have complete families, good education, good in studies - which are all but dreams and aspirations for the rest of the population. Heck, who cares about going to school when the family can't even support itself emotionally, economically and psychologically? I can jolly well say that it really came as a shock to me when I realised a month back my men actually have such catastrophic backgrounds. I've been living in a greenhouse for too long - it's fine time to venture out to learn and understand more.

22/10/2006 Sunday

I haven't much to say, I'm just really darn happy. It's quite unbelievable, but after a visit to the temple near bugis, it seems that I've been lifted out of a bottomless pit. Call it spiritual healing or not, it really helps calm the soul down. Maybe it's not about the temple. Maybe it's just meeting with someone I really adore alot. Ever since we met, talked we clicked. She's really someone that's super nice, filial and even adorable at times. Really cute. We had this heart-to-heart 3 hour marathon talking session at East Coast. I don't know, it's only the first time I'm really meeting her (other than cheerleading trainings of course.) but it's as though we known each other for years. Surprise surprise. Our topics simply never stopped.

Down to some lame details of yesterday. I went to Bugis for lunch - a yucky disgusting one at Crystal Jade Macau Cafe Restaurant (that's a mouthful, so I'll teach you how to read it the Singaporean way: kreestel jade[say fast fast] mer-cow care-fei restoran). Horrible I tell you. It hardly filled my stomach - and made my mood worse. Then I was accompanying my mom, sis and my bro-in-law to OG to buy this thermo cooker thingie. It's like those thermos flask to keep hot water warm (okay that sounds funny), but three times the size. Then I ventured alone into Sim Lim to check out the prices. And I proceeded to go Bedok. Seriously I already messaged jie that I won't be meeting her. But I haven't been to East Coast for so darn long, might as well have a trip there. Hazy. All I saw was haze. Hopped onto a bike and sped for about 5 mins before I ran into my ex classmate, which eventually brought me to their clique outing to say hi. And I ran into another classmate. And there was this girl who overtook us like two times and pissed me off.

Then I waited for so long for jie can. Like super long. Then we talked, her cousin was sitting beside that made me feel so damn weird. And by the way, she says she wants to intro me to her classmate or something like that. So she skated, I walked. From one end to the other. And guess what. The girl, apparently known as Shimin, was the one who overtook us earlier! Small world. But she's nice la. Bringing us drinks and all. Friendly. Kinda pretty too haha. Oh well. Making friends is okay what. But jie nearly got me into trouble la. Damn you! lol.

That's all for yesterday, like super long day. But fruitful nonetheless.

14/10/2006 Saturday

It's been quite some time since my last entry. Days were not really bloggable for the past few weeks for it's really dull. I don't like to moan and groan about life's atrocities, but I can no longer stuff all those crap i encountered down my throat. I'm throwing up. Fed up with life and I need an avenue to air each and every one of those grievances.

To start things off. I'm supposed to meet 4 people over the last weekend. And what happened? 0/4 met. I can't really blame them. They've either last minute family commitments or bogged down by work. It's not their fault, but I think I just lost my charm. I can't make wonders for people no more. I used to be able, and somehow I've got a bunch of people that I can often meet up if I want to. Two of them was my own company's fault. I'm supposed to have two days off Monday and Tuesday, yet they call us back on Sunday to go back in. And what happened? The next morning we found out from Derek that we didn't need to attend the demonstration (I've still no idea what it was all about). So we booked out on Monday morning. Only to be called back again.. for a stupid Induction introduction. Folks, I've already been in the unit for a month and I still need an introduction? Crap. Crap. As a result of two wasted days, I din manage to meet two Rachels. Ouch.

Of course crap doesn't just stop there. The paycheck was horrible last month, leaving me pretty much broke by the time mid-month was reached. $550 simply isn't enough. And to make things worse, in a bid to liven up my spirits, I'm supposed to undergo retail therapy. And it did nothing. For the first time, I bought 2 CDs and DIDN'T FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT. The songs aren't nice - especially Jay's one. And the Gospellers one was crap. Totally crap. And no babe to ogle at WHILE listening to the singer's song? Damn. I'm sticking to babe albums.

The week simply continued with boring days of idling. Pure idling. Just waking up for meals and sleeping all day. Might be the haze that's affecting everyone. Screw those irresponsible Indonesians. A big fat finger to you.

I just came back this morning at 0800 HRS from COS duty, something that all sergeants will eventually do. It's a mind job. Lots of things to settle, and the officers give you MORE errants to run ON TOP OF THOSE CRAP. Putting on my complaining cap, my friends aren't really helping me in anyway, and they just make fun of it. Some friends huh. Poor me. 24Hr shifts really kills brain cells. They really do.

Today was eventful. Somewhat. I was supposed to go NJC open house with Sum YU Cheng, but he was uncontactable. But I've friends to see today, so I decided to call a few to come along. So here we went around NJ - as shown in the new photo album. It looks nice, but very propagandistic (I wonder if there's such a word). Met a couple of teachers and friends. And more importantly, I get unanswered calls every time I call her, no reply from smses and I just see her walking all over the place. I don't know if it's busy or what but it's feeling more like avoidance.

That sums up all the shit. THere's more to come I believe. And my morale and ego has nearly hit rock bottom. It didn't hit it, but it sure scraped it. Thanks to people like Valerie, Huimin, Denise - amazingly all my god-sisters are left with only 3 who still care, and of course Miranda who's alwaes there for me to whine and complain to. These are people I respect. Alot. Others, well, I let you decide if you've been nice to me. "I'm sorry but I'm not free." Something I felt very touched was a message from Val jie: "I'm quite (busy) actually, rushing a presentation for tomorrow. I still want to hear you out though. What happened?" and from Miranda "I'm busy studying, but I'll reply as soon as I can!" These are what I call friends. When I need them they're there for me, however busy they are.

There are also others who occasionally hear me out, like Cindy, Vicky, Melswee and Shu Yan, but the rest.. I leave it to you.

Okay, enough of grumbling. I'm just glad I got myself a new keyboard. Folks, please DON'T BUY LOGITECH NAVIGATOR KEYBOARD. It spoiled with just 4 months of moderate usage.

1/10/2006 Sunday

It has been a tiring two days. It all began with super shag obstacles the whole day on thursday, rushing home with two sets of soiled uniform in a cab at 11.23pm, and walking and wasting time chasing people to move faster (no - not chasing cars). And then it all went like clockwork, just as planned. The actual ceremony lasted no more than half an hour, but the sheer amount of time for pre-planning is definitely a mind job. Like damn.

Yep life's going to change a little, as I may not see my sister as often as I did before. Even though her house is about a stone's throw away (okay, a ROCK's throw away), but we're still becoming separate entities in different habitats. Not that I'm digging up my nostalgia, but it's really too soon to know if I like the feeling.

My brother in law, Gerry, is a really nice guy. And I'm glad he's someone I can easily talk to and interact with. Thank common guy topics and army life. Nothing bonds guys of different age than army does. I think I have lots of confidence in him being able to take care of my sister.

Sometimes, when someone gets drunk, they really have no idea what they're talking about. Worse still, they think they're funny. My father was clearly drunk at the dinner today, and to my disappointment, he has no freaking memory of my study life in here. He seemed to have forgot what course I'm studying, where I studied, and for the worse part, HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW I WAS FROM SPECIAL STREAM AND WAS IN GOOD SCHOOLS SINCE I ENTERED PRIMARY SCHOOLS. I'm not trying to show off my academic prowess, but I expect all these small details to be almost etched at the back of his mind. And his hysterical reply was even more dampening to my feelings "Special stream? how come I didn't know? You didn't tell me?" Shit man, this feeling sucks.

I really hate to dig out old events to substantiate my point, but for those who know, that time when I got my A level results, the same old ignorant shit happens. He doesn't care at all how we feel. But fuck we're his family. And he just wants things to not get into his way or his way of life. Take this little event for example, yeah, my aunts are coming to stay with us. But he's making so many damned arrangements for them, forgetting one main thing - IT'S MY SISTER'S WEDDING FOR CHRIST SAKE. He just summons us to buy this and buy that for them, do this and do that. Eh please, if you want room service, get yourself a damned hotel 81 suite faggot. Don't complain if we don't serve breakfast by your bedside.

I hate to admit it, but sad to say, my mother - however unreasonable she may be at times, she's right for this = my dad changed. For the worse. I wonder if anyone shares the same or similar happening as me. I should just count my lucky stars my problems doesn't surround money.

Enough of sad stories. I've put up quite a few photos from the two day event. The rest of the high quality photos will come later, what I have now are only 2MP ones from my phone.

24/9/2006 Sunday

This is the first entry using this blogface. It's meant to be kept simple. No flashy animations. No background music that hogs bandwidth.

I've been doing multiple blogskins for the past few years. I've experimented with numerous types of blogs and design. More importantly, I even tried incorporating flash animations, interactive environments, menus and so on. Yet after all these the essence of the blog is gone. A blog informs people who are not around you to know about you. Because you can't see the person all the time, so it is perhaps, via blogs that they know what's going on with your life.

A little bit about this blog. It's called phase one. IT's something that is new, not like the previous ones. It's more of an intro of me to you, rather than me showing off my computing and graphical talent to you. I hope to bring my life to you in the best way I can.

So that's enough for today. Do let me know any comments you may have.